Fucking Grandma

I don't know.

Maybe I'm getting older or just more tired. But is there too many people in New York to you? I mean, during rush hour I scoot out and down to midtown and I realize that there are a lot of fucking people in New York. I mean millions on top of millions. How in the Hell can there be so many people on the planet. Each with different desires, different needs, different wants, different weaknesses, strengths, vision, knowledge....

How do you feed all of these people? Provide hot and cold running water, light at night. How does one go about doing something like that? New York must be one complicated organism. It picks up the trash left behind by the millions over millions of people in the city. It flushes out it's sewage and shit. It exterminates its vermin. It provides shelter and heat. An enormous undertaking when you think about it. There are a million, million people to take care of. How is it done? How much money does it take? What is the total Gross Municipal Product of the City of New York? Fuck.

But the real thing is that all of these people never bothered me before. It's only since I lived on the BMT line have I felt this way. The BMT lines are so fucking narrow. Their trains are smaller than those of the IND. I rode on the F train today, and it was like walking in Nebraska. There wasn't a soul for miles, and then I ride on the number two this afternoon and there is a woman behind me trying to crawl up my ass. I wanted to ask her if I dropped my drawers would she stick it in? I hate being pressed behind a woman. I'd rather one behind me anyway. When one is in front of you and the train moves, rocks and rolls, YOU ARE DRY FUCKING HER. And if she's a nut or on the rag, get ready to get Hell or dirty looks every time you bump into her.

I mean, there's an art to riding the subway, because you can get the same response from bumping into a man from behind, or rubbing up against someone unduly. It's funny because you are pressed into a cramped space, the loss of personal space should be expected. Today, a short, old woman decided to turn around and face me in the car. Her protruding stomach rubbing against mine. Her face close to my face. I shook my head. Maybe I should just start tongue kissing her in the train. Suddenly just grab her and press her up against me fully and sink my tongue down her throat. I wonder how she would take that? Smack the shit out of me or stick her tongue back down my throat? One never knows do one.

But that's the reason why I hate the fucking BMT lines. And I have to fight with them today, and tomorrow because I have another goddamn WECARE-A-FUCK-YOU appointment. This one at Nine O'clock in the morning. Pure rush hour time. They want you to know exactly what it's like for everyone else to get up and fight the subways and buses to get to work. I understand their anger. I feel sorry for the fucks in WECARE that think of this kind of debilitating shit. I hope they develop cancer.

It's because of WECARE and their stupid appointments that we have single mothers riding the subways during rush hour with baby strollers. Can you imagine that? A cramped car full of people, and a baby stroller right in the middle. What the fuck? I like the mothers that move through the subways with the belly pack that holds the baby close to the body. That way they can fit in and move about the rush hour traffic without the vehicular nonsense. I mean, these women try to knock you down with their guided missiles, going after your feet and ankles. What kind of shit is that? And then they get to the bottom of stairs and stop there. Or at the top landing of stairs and then just wait, standing in the middle of a million of people trying to get past them to get to work. What are they waiting for? They are waiting for a good Samaritan to come along and help them carry the carriage up and down the stairs.

WHAT?? You have the nerve to stop up rush hour with that damn carriage and now you want someone to help you with it? And you know, as much as this shit drives me batshit crazy, especially on the already packed to capacity BMT lines, I don't blame them. I blame the fuckers at WECARE. Because that's no doubt where all of these single mothers with babies are off to. WECARE's stupid 9:00 appointments. Instead of making them from 10:00 on, they'd rather have these poor women fight with their carriages through the meanest, most grueling few hours known to man. It's fucking inhuman.

And another group that I hate on the train are the panhandlers. Especially the ones that play instruments...and are good at it. I want to beat their asses. I really do. I want to fall upon them and start wailing away. Knock over their drums, break their guitars, knock the stupid hat full of money from their hands and whip their asses. Especially the homeless ones looking for food. ESPECIALLY THEM. A musician is at least entertaining, although the trains are too cramped for their shit. But the long faced motherfuckers that haven't eaten in days. WHAT FUCKING LIARS. I lived in the city with three cents in my pocket for nearly a year. ONLY THREE CENTS. Never asked anyone for a fucking dime. The only time I got a windfall was when I found a twenty on the street, ending my near year streak. AND I ALWAYS HAD SOMETHING TO EAT. There are just too many soup kitchens and soup vans around THIS city to not be able to eat. AND at these kitchens, also gave out clothing and underwear and socks, and all of the shit that you need to keep smelling good, like deodorant, baby powder, shampoo, and tooth paste.

That means that there is no need to be asking for money for food, walking about smelling like shit, looking like you've been living in your clothes for years or none of that shit. THESE PEOPLE are looking to supplement income. And let's face facts here people, there is a lot of money to be made panhandling. I'm not talking about a fortune, I'm talking cash. Some are alcoholics and dopeheads and are looking to support their habits, and they look it baby. Others, I do really believe, get checks from the state, and still panhandle. I remember, when I lived in the shelter and we got three hots and a cot daily, there were some guys who went out panhandling to have some folding cash.

So, basically, I want to beat their asses, because they give homeless people a bad name. When you think of homeless in THIS CITY. You think of someone sleeping on the sidewalks in ratty clothing, smelling like shit, shoes battered and falling from their feet. Some pushing a cart full of shit. But these are people with mental problems. They need medical help. A sanitarium where they can play with shadows on the wall, or a lock of their hair. These poor fuckers you can feel sorry for. And THEY WON'T BE ASKING YOU FOR CASH EITHER. Those that do, means that they have the presence of mind to do the soup kitchen route and look just like you and me.

When they walk through the trains whining, I just want to shoe them in the ass.

AWWWW Man, let me stop venting.

I'm glad to be home.

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