"Actually, I think everyone in NYC is sick of you. At this point, Riyadh is your target audience. It's like a musician settling down for a long booking in Reno." Someone posted this to me.
Hey, hey, hey...sick of me? I don't know about that. I can only say, in America alone, 200 hits yesterday alone....12, 428 last month. And now, unbeknownst to many people who don't write blogs, a 'hit' is counted after someone spends a minute on your website. So, I would imagine that there are a few readers out there who are still reading me...and some from New York. Hell though, when I took my big break this year and wrote a thimble worth of text and then came back on, I thought I was writing to myself. Myself. When I started this blog I was actually writing to a hand-full of people, my close friends who still cared, just to let them know that I am alive and haven't killed myself.
Because I've wanted to kill myself on many occasions. Yeah, be homeless for a week...you'll speak the fucking language. But....after that damn radio show, well my entire life had turned around and my readers suddenly skyrocketed. Yeah. Skyrocketed. Now I'm a little nervous when I get behind the keyboard because I'm thinking that I might insult someone.
NAAAAAH. I don't worry about that. I write what I feel. Take it or leave it. Swallow it with a grain of salt. Or whatever other cliche that I can think of. Skip this post, skip that post. Remember, this bitch is a buffet. Eat what the fuck you want. A friend of mine happened to tell me that she skipped my Jizz-cola post the minute I told women to get off the train. Yeah, well. I'm glad there are those of you that listen to my warnings because I might come out and say something stupid...like sheep are a better fuck than women.
Okay, now I want to go into something that is really bothering me. The worst, insidious mind control that you can imagine perpetrated by the media to brainwash the American public. And rest assured, after I tell you this, and I disappear, don't think that I left the country because I can write this blog from U-fucking-ganda. What it does mean is that the powers that be had me rubbed out. Erased. Trust me, when someone cries in the woods, there is always a wood chopper there to shut him the fuck up...as well as a wood chipper.
Okay, this is directed mainly to my women readers, but men need to take note too. What makes a man? Let me ask you that again because you might not have understood me. What is the definition of a man? Women might instantly respond: "Well a tall creature with a penis." No ladies, AFTER that. What makes a man? Reply: Manly behavior. Simple as that. Men can either ACT like men or pussies. Oh, I can't say that and be PC because many readers have told me that that is not a good word to use when NOT referring to a vagina. Okay, Faggots. Oh, I can't say that either. It is considered a derogatory term by many homosexuals. Okay, 'Non-man", or less than a man.
Men are EXPECTED to act like 'Men' when critical situations occur. We are supposed to act in a certain manly fashion, especially in front of women, because if we don't we reduce ourselves in their eyes if not our own or our friends. Such as...it is not 'manly' to back down from a fight. So on and so forth. I saw a movie recently about a serial killer with Brad Pitt, and he was playing pool with his co-star, David Duchovny and they're in some redneck bar and David is approached by some drunk moron and...get this...is insulted so bad that you 'think' he should punch the guy out. But instead David backs down and apologizes for nothing just to avoid a physical confrontation.
Okay...now the MAN steps in, Brad, and starts the brawl where HE WINS. Of course this shit is pure fantasy, but it's being piped to us like a mainline of heroin. And why? To turn on women and educate men. Okay, let me repeat that: To turn on women and to educate men. Turn on women? Yeah, women. Trust me when I tell you this, and DON'T trust them, really don't trust the bullshit. Women are afraid of the whole motherfucking world. Yep. Even if you give them a fucking gun, they're still frightened shitless over the world. "Oh, I know women that fire handguns, you might say." Take the weapon away and then what? Take every weapon away and then what? Bare handed...they and we both know that they are fucked.
Now, with that as a super premise, think about this....I don't care what bullshit your woman tells you...they EXPECT you to defend them....and yourself. If you back down before an Alpha Male, she realizes that she is now unprotected. Her defense has a hole in it. Hey! Don't blame her. This fact has evolved over centuries from when we used to live in caves. She wants a protector because the world is a very scary place.
I was watching LOUIE, a television show about a comedian's life where he goes on a first date with a woman and the date is a blast. Watching the show, they were getting along so well that I knew that in the next scene he would be balls deep up in this bitch. But instead they go to a diner. While talking, Louie does something stupid. He tells a bunch of teenage punks to quiet down. The meanest of the bunch comes up to him and tells him....in a long veiled vicious conversation mind you...that he would suffer grievous bodily harm unless he apologies. And he didn't just want an apology, he really wanted Louie to grovel. Well, Louie does. The teens leave and he's looking at his date. Her face is flat. Louie asks her the stupid question: "What? You think I was wrong? Did you want me to fight this guy?" And she replies: "Oh no, I think you did the sensible thing."
Later, the date tanks and Louie asks her again and she finally fesses up. "Well, my mind knows that you did the right thing, BUT there is a part of me that feels that you should have fought him." She looks at him sheepishly "I don't know," she says. "I think you are an excellent guy and all, but I don't think I want to see you again...Isn't that bad?" Yeah bitch, that shit is bad. He didn't say that though. Instead he cut the date short, said his goodbyes and that was the end of that. Here fellas...the truth is, she was turned on by the teenager and turned off by Louie. This isn't her fault. This is how women are hardwired.
Okay guys, I don't know about you, but I'm a lover, not a fighter, and not much of a lover either. Which means for all you women out there that read my blog...I'm NOT manly. Why? Because I like my ass. Let me tell you the honest truth. I know I can probably have my ass handed to me by 98% of the men in the world...well, let me change that. Maybe 96%...I forgot to exclude very old men, boys under seven and men in comas. I think I have a reasonable chance against them fucking punks. What is my problem?
Well, I hate several things that may occur if I get into the Man Dance with another dude. Firstly, I hate punches, especially to the face. A woman can punch me in the face as much as she wants. In fact I like that shit. But when men punch you, that is one of the more painful events in your life. Secondly, I hate losing teeth. I need them to eat fucking food with. Thirdly, broken bones and penetrating wounds of any kind, and finally being maimed or crippled. This is another reason why I don't drive recklessly in my car. I don't like dying in some form of piecemeal manner. Fighting is a piecemeal manner of ending your life.
I think many men will agree with me. Pain is not much fun, so I go that extra mile to avoid it. If I have to I WILL fight, BUT I have to be fairly motivated. Words? Not enough. Fright? Yeah, that's it. If you scare me enough into thinking that imminent harm is about to befall myself or my loved ones, I'll hit you first. That's how I usually end up in a fight. I hit first, with all the strength and deviousness that I can muster. Not fair? You think its not fair? Look, fairness is for boxing. I want to win as best as I can. Normally, the first punch is the ONLY punch that I will get in in a fight, so I make it first and good. A well placed punch or kick to the balls, the throat, the center of the nose or my personal favorite, a finger to the eye, and then let the music begin.
I also kick sharply at shins. That works too. My plan? Hurt you, injure you so that you can't hurt me. Normally this works, sometimes it doesn't. But at least I got a lick in as my father would say. Okay, when it comes to fighting, I'm a low-down, dirty sonofabitch. But like I said, I hate pain and go out of my way to avoid it. But my first recourse is always talking my way out of a fight. You got it, I'm like Louie...talk is fucking cheap so I'll do all of it to avoid a punch in the eye. Is this sexy to women to watch me grovel to avoid a confrontation? Will she jump into the sack with me after I crawl like a snake in the dirt? Honesty, I don't give a frack. That bitch can take a flying fuck through a rollin' doughnut.
I want to go home the way I came. Can't fuck the chick if an angry dude kicks my balls in, or breaks two of my ribs. Simple math, dudes. Simple math. Sometimes you can protect the ones you love by steering a fight somewhere else. She might spit in your face later, but at least you'll HAVE a face. Now, here is my problem. Here is the thing that pisses me off. NOT with women, or men AFRAID to back down from a fight...but the fucking, fracking, shit god-damn media.
Oh yeah. I have to say, men check out the mother- fuckers in movies and on television. These are some intrepid psycho- paths. I watch so many shows and I see it so often that I now believe that it's a form of mind control. It seduces women, making them believe that we are their fearless protectors, and encourages men to be intrepid gamblers with their health and their lives. C'mon. I'll give you a few fucking fore-instances.
I was watching LIE TO ME, where the main character, Cal Lightman goes to his home with his sexy assed partner in the dead of the night, and he finds his front door open. They both freeze and he turns to his partner who looks good enough to eat on the spot and says: "Give me that can of mace that you carry." After she hands over this AA battery sized can to him he proceeds to enter the residence, the can of mace outstretched before him, walking down a dark corridor looking for the intruder.
WHAT THE FRACK? Is this mother- fucker brain-dead? YOU do that shit, and you'll find yourself with two bullet holes in your ass and your partner sucking dick at gunpoint before the intruder leaves. Even THE FUCKING POLICE will tell you to NEVER enter a home that you believe has been broken into, but to rather leave the area and call 911. Let them handle that shit, and do you know why? Because they are smart enough to carry guns. If you think a cop would walk into your home like that empty handed, you need your head soaked.
Am I done? Not at all. The next thing that the media tries to mislead you about is a man facing a gun in the first place. Oh yeah, women are under the impression that you are supposed to throw your body in front of one at the slightest provocation. I watched DOLLHOUSE today as an FBI agent is cornered in the basement of a factory by three men with guns. They get the draw on him and he engages them fearlessly. Now think about this. THREE fucking muzzles are staring him in the face and he jumps into the fray. He disarms the first one and is shot in the side. Then he proceeds to disarm the rest, beating them up with some serious Kung Fu moves, shoots two and chokes the third. After that, he takes out his cellphone, calls 911 and then passes out from the pain.
Now, lets help our women friends who are watching this shit, and idiot men that think this is real life. Have you ever faced a one eyed stare? Yeah, have you EVER had a gun pointed at you? I did, by someone who DIDN'T LIKE MY GUTS. Further, we were in an elevator in a run down apartment complex so basically, he could get away with drilling me with a couple of supersonic pieces of lead. It took me an entire five seconds to realize that the gun was pointed at me, and I did what every television character would do. I jumped at him. Okay, complete bullshit. I froze. I froze so solidly that I thought that I was going to both shit and piss on myself but instead my asshole puckered and my dick shriveled.
I'll tell you the reason why. You don't want to have a penetrating wound, in your entire life. Understand what I'm saying to you. Being shot is no picnic in the park. You have never in your life come close to anything like it. If it hits you in the shoulder, not only will it pass through you, depending on the caliber, but will also shatter bone. Have you ever shattered bone? If it hits you in the leg, YOU ARE GOING DOWN in a heap of pain. And if it takes out an artery, you'll probably bleed out before an ambulance gets to you. If a bullet hits you in the stomach, same thing. Torso, you might lose lung function which is not only painful but very scary. It feels like you're both dropped in a hurt locker and drowning.
Women are under the impression that you can do something against a man with a gun. AND on top of that, they expect you to throw your life away for something stupid, like their purse or a car. They turn to you after you hand over your car keys and say: "Why did you let him take the car?" HE HAD A GUN, BITCH!!! But you can't blame them because they see Brad Pitt and George Clooney do this shit all the time in movies. Gunmen just move too slow. You can do all types of Karate moves on them before the reflex to pull a trigger beats you to the punch. Logical thinking? Fuck no. Act like some idiot before a pistol and I'll throw flowers on your ass when they plant your dumb-fuck head in the ground.
If she thinks getting shot is so much fun, ask her why didn't she do anything? I heard that when you are robbed in the streets, gunmen KNOW to point the gun SQUARELY IN THE WOMAN'S FACE, because it tends to scramble their brains and their higher brain functions, and short term memory is interrupted. Men, not so much so. That's why they'll shoot your ass and leave her be. You can't describe them if you are dead, and she can't really remember much other than he was Black, had a hat on, and gold chains. Let them find your killer behind that shit.
Boys and girls, the truth of the matter is when you see a gun, DON'T FUCK AROUND. Give the man what he asks for and hope that he doesn't get out of hand with his demands because if he asks for too much, or something that you CAN'T give him....YOU ARE GONNA DIE. N0, no, no...you will NOT disarm him unless he's as scared as you, and I hate to tell you, that might be worse for you because you just might frighten him into pulling the trigger. If he plugs you once, you will most likely faint and go into shock. If not, I'll guarantee you that you will not be in fighting shape to do little else other than roll around on the ground and go numb. You might even cry for your mother.
If your woman sees you go down on your back she'll be useless. Not that she could have done anything in the first place, but the sight of so much blood literally pouring out of you will scare the living apeshit out of her. Probably with you crying like a little bitch, that won't help the situation much either. You need to realize that even cops wearing the lightweight bullet proof vests go down when shot. Bullet velocity is a bitch and bleeding out is like watching a faucet flow.
Do yourself a favor guys, teach the gals. I like to think if I'm facing a gun and my woman looks at me and asks what am I going to do, I'm going to tell her: "Shut the fuck up and do what the nice man says." If he asks us to undress completely in the middle of New York, I'll be down to my shorts in seconds, and I'd advise her to do the same. Sorry ladies, I like breathing. You can call me a punk, pussy, faggot, non-man or less than a man if you want, but like I said earlier, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. Break up with me, leave me, sue me, curse me, but the good thing is, after your dumb-ass is gone, I'm still breathing and not a cripple. I like that.
If I get in a fist fight for you, which is again highly unlikely, all I'll say to you is that you'd better run your ass off and bring back a cop and paramedics because I'll be a bloody pulp on the sidewalk when you get back. On top of that, you'd better fuck me silly as soon as I heal for saving your ass. Give me a kiss on the cheek in thanks and I'll go home and burn the voodoo doll that I have of you, bitch.
Remember, only James Bond can run through a hail of bullets and come out unscathed. Take it from a homeless man, if you receive a gunshot wound look for angels because they'll be coming to pick you up soon enough. And I promise you, you'll have done nothing. NOT save the day, NOT save the girl, NOT save the bus-full of children, NOT stop the war in the Middle East...you won't have done shit but bleed out, crying like some silly bitch and cursing yourself all the way to Hell.
Okay, tomorrow we will go into the next fucking stupid assed fantasy that Hollywood foists upon us. The effect of explosions, and knife wounds. Come back y'all, hear!HobobobSource URL: http://idontwanttobeanythingotherthanme.blogspot.com/2010/10/physics-of-fucking-stupid-assessments.html
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