Watching Without Seeing

He's not answering his cell.

That's ominous. No phone, no Internet, no body. Nothing. It's as if he was sucked up into the atmo- sphere. My brother has just vanished. He's a grown man, and I shouldn't worry about him, this I know. He can take care of himself. But things happen every day. Things happen in real life. What does NOT happen is letting my imagination take shit over.

I get my ass moving. I'm not going to spend the entire night in Starbucks. I split, heading uptown, fighting the crowds on the BMT. God, I HATE THE BMT. It is always packed, no matter what time you ride it. You can't escape the madness. It's enough to make me not want to come to Midtown ever again. Ever. I pack into trains from the Shuttle on up. I take the 1 local to beat the crowds on the 3 express.

I get home, make a few calls on SKYPE and write out a few e-mails. Then I call my hard headed brother and get nothing. That's great. Nothing. I climb into bed at a reasonable hour, around 11:00pm only to wake up at 4:00am. That's how my body works. I toss and turn in the bed until I give up and make a carafe of coffee. Nothing like strong coffee to get your ass in gear. Today, I have my Doctor's appointment with Doctor A, which I'm ambivalent about going to simply because I didn't get those labs done yesterday so really, there'll be nothing to talk about today other than my blood pressure. Soon, I'll be heading to the Nephrologist to get my Kidneys checked out. That'll be fine. Then we'll have something to talk about. I'm pretty damn close to complete kidney failure. That should be fun being on dialysis.

All because of congestive heart failure years ago. Fucked up every organ in my body. If I was an older man, I'd be hanging by a thread. It's great that my body has some regenerative abilities.

Next comes Doctor L. I have her at 1:00pm. That's another appoint- ment that I wouldn't mind missing. But all that should be put a stop to. I need to get out of the room and get some fresh air, even if it means sharing it with the millions on the BMT lines.

The thing...well, let me stop cranking on the BMT.

I crawl back into bed, suddenly finding sleep for a second time, even though I have a ton of coffee in my system. I wake up at 9:25am to voices in the hall and look at the clock. There went the Doc. I sit up. It's raining outside. This was actually the first time that I had ever seen any real rain from my window. It's as if my window is in a location where rainfall does not touch it. It raining pretty hard now and I don't feel like dashing through it for my checkup. I'm lazy, I'm a bum, I'm a slob, pile 'em on, I don't care. I'll just sit here online and wonder if I'm going to see Dr. L. today.

The first thing that I do is try my brother's cell phone. No answer. Nada. He always has that damn thing on and around him so that he can pick up his important calls. Now, nothing. I think this would rule out the hospital for his back. Not that I know shit, but this smells something like a pretty bad accident or a police action. Shit! I know nothing happened to him. He can seriously handle himself. But to be out of touch for so long....

I check his online messages. His last one: April 1st at 6:30 in the evening. He never retires for the night that early. Normally, his e-mails go on until damn near 10:00pm. Something suddenly stopped him in the early evening. Bang. Just like that. And he's never an entire day without e-mailing. I'm starting my detective work now. Now you know that I'm getting concerned.

I push everything from my mind. I wonder who he would contact if he ran afoul of the law. I wonder who he would call if he was suddenly in the hospital. In the hospital they make you turn off your cell phone...until you are admitted. The police do it for you. But you can only be held for so long without being charged. Charged, and you're gone for good.

I'd better get geared up for a period of time with this disconnect. There's no real way of contacting me without the Internet. And the Internet is not something that law enforcement has any clue about. They give you one phone call, they don't give you one email.

Same with the hospital.

I'll just wait and think good thoughts.

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