Christmas 2009

Last night, I fart FIRE!!

Pure hot fire. Like a belch of flame shot out of my ass while I was sleeping. The motherfucker woke me up from a deep slumber. It was hot long after it left. I felt as if I hot shitted on myself. I get up and wobble to the fucking bathroom and wipe my ass for shit. Nothing. Jesus, it was just so hot that I felt as if I was ass reamed in a gay porn film by a dude with a three inch wide cock. Son of a bitch. That shit still hurts too.

I crawl back into bed, and fall asleep for the rest of the night until early this morning, when I now vomit in my mouth. Yep, swelling both of my cheeks. Some even getting on the bed before I could clench my lips. The burning from the bile felt like I had a mouthful of coals. I finish puking in the sink. Where in the fuck did all this come from? My hot sauce SPAM sandwich last night? Maybe. Maybe my stomach cannot take hot sauce any longer? Maybe I'm getting too old for this shit. My teeth feel as if they have been sanded down. I brush them but the feeling still remains. The bile had been eating away at my tooth enamel.

Son of a bitch. I wash dishes, make coffee, get online and wait. Today is the apartment inspection from NYC HQS, whatever the fuck that means. I think the last three letters is for Housing Quality Service. I could be wrong. I answer emails and blog until I hear someone knocking on doors down the hall. I jump up and put on my xtra large Tee just as the doorbell rings. The super and his assistant is standing there with the NYC HQS inspector who walks in and asks me to sign paperwork. Meanwhile, the assistant jumps up, over my door and presses the smoke alarm. There is no response. "Oh, you disconnected it?" The Assistant asks. Disconnected what? "The smoke alarm." I haven't touched a thing. He is held up by the super, pulls the device from the wall, makes a connection, then replaces it. They press the test and it makes a gawdawful screech.

They bid me farewell and the inspection is over. I close the door. The smoke alarm peeps loudly. I can't believe that the inspection was just that fast. I strip, and sit in front of my computer. I am happy. About an hour later, the door knocks again, the fire alarm peeps. I open the door and the exterminator is on the other side. "Service?" Hell yeah. He walks in and stops, looking at my laptop. "What system it that?" It's an HP. "Mine is an HP, how do you like it?" I love it. That's my baby. I've had her for like five years with no problems. "Wow, none?" None. "I just got one..." he gushes on about his laptop. I just want him to fry my room. Oh, and please get under my desk. "Yeah, yeah," He pours it on. Here there, his aim is pretty bad, hitting the cabinets more than the floor, the wall more than the corners. He whips around to survey the room, shooting pesticide into the air. He zips though it in a half a minute. "Alright, take care, dude." Yeah, you too. The smoke alarm peeps.

I work on my laptop, writing emails and blogging. I'm trying to catch up with my blogs since I was falling behind after losing my Internet connection. The smoke alarm peeps. Not peeps, but PEEPS! Fuck! What the fuck!! I'm going to have to deal with this shit all night long? PEEP. I drag my chair over to the door, scale the wall, yank that fucker from the wall and tear the wire connection free. I wanted to throw the shit against the fucking wall, but I feared that I would have to pay for it. I slap it back up against the wall and get down. Fuck it if I get burned up in a fire. I'm not having that damn thing PEEP me to death.

I got out and walked over to 62nd street and back. Fell asleep because of feeling the exhaustion. I had went food shopping, picked up my meds. Just a regular day. Christmas eve was racing by. I stayed up to see Christmas after 12:00am and then I went to bed.

Christmas.


Wow. A day for festivities, finds me sitting behind my desk, writing emails. I'm not really planning on doing anything other than write. And walk. I do my 72 blocks and come home to my space pod. I'm happy. I really am this Christmas. I was invited over to a friend's house for Christmas pie, and to just hang out, but I don't really feel in the mood. I'm just taking it easy. Tomorrow is the SHOUT OUT, and lunch with Bryan. A very full day for me that starts early and ends late. In a way I look forward to it.

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