The cableman.
My air conditioner make this godawful noise this morning, waking me the fuck up. I roll over, sit up, my head full of snot, and feeling like a bell with it's clapper banging against the sides. I lay back down, suddenly remembering that I had to call Igor at 8:00 to see if the Time Warner Cable guy was coming today. I roll over off the bed and rise, looking at the microwave clock. It's 8:45. That's nice. If the Time Warner Cableman is coming he's supposed to be here between the hours of 9:00am and 3:00pm.
I get dressed, grab my keys, boot up my system and head downstairs to use the phone in the office as Igor directed. Stepping in I find all the doors to the office closed except one. Inside is an attractive woman that I immediately want to hump, who asks if she can help me. I ask her if I can use the phone and she directs me to a closed door, wherein is a desk and a phone. I call Igor but he doesn't answer. I have to leave a message on his phone. I make my way back upstairs and sit down in front of my computer with still nothing do do.
Nothing. Maybe I should write a short story. But I don't feel inspired. I have nothing to say, nothing to emote. I stare at my screensaver going through photographs of mine. There is nothing else to do. The buzzer in my room goes off. I don't know how to work this thing. The words on the bottom are barely etched into the steel. It buzzes again and I'm pressing one of the three buttons every buzz. Suddenly a voice blares out: "Igor says that the cableman is coming today."
Well that's a relief. But the question is, is the motherfucker going to actually show today or this all smoke and mirrors, hide the salami, blow smoke up my ass shit. The time continues to melt away, like wax from a burning candle. I'm just sitting in front of my computer, working on post after post, watching the clock on the microwave and there is no change. I am dying here without the Internet.
Time now, 3:47, and guess what, no fucking Time Warner Cable guy. These guys should be fucking politicians because they are so full of shit. I'm sitting here with clothes on from 9:00 to 12:00, I wait until 1:00 and then BOFFO off goes the clothes. Why? Because I know that these cocksuckers are not going to show today. Instead, they are going to blow me off by claiming that they were just too busy and not in the area to deal with this call. It's getting too close to Christmas for this shit. That's going to be my Christmas present from Time Warner Cable, no fucking service.
This is crazy....
The intercom buzzer rings. I jump up. Holy shit, it's them. I press the talk button. Who is it? I press the listen button. "Come down for the Christmas dinner." I press the talk button, what? I press the listen button "Come downstairs for the Christmas dinner." I press the talk button, thanks. Now, right now, they have to have the fucking Christmas dinner. What the fuck is this, fuck with the Hobo week? Give me a fucking break. Now if I go downstairs and get a plate of food, the Time Warner Cable guy is going to sneak past me, run upstairs, ring my bell once, run back downstairs, sneak past me a second time, and dart out the door. All the while, I'm downstairs trying to fill my face.
No, instead I make a SPAM sandwich and sit in front of my computer and play a game that I haven't played in a long, long time. 2142. A long time. I play for a little while, but I lost the love that I once had for it. The desire to play is gone. I played myself out. Plus, I'm playing against the computer here. If I was on the INTERNET I could be playing people all over the world. That would have been great. Slaughtering real people in digital form. What a motherfucking rush. But, playing against my computer....a serious let down, especially after I dumbed down the bots and was wiping them out easily.
But against the computer. There just is no life. No anima. I soon tire of this and call it an afternoon, going to sleep. Waiting for the bell to wake me up. It doesn't. I wake again, do nothing on the computer, stare at my screensaver's scroll pretty images. Clean the kitchen again. Generally do nothing. I'm sitting in the chair when the doorbell rings around 5:00pm. I jump up, put on my oversized Tee and open the door.
It was the Time Warner Cable man.
I was rescued!
HobobobSource URL: http://idontwanttobeanythingotherthanme.blogspot.com/2009/12/envisioning-chemicals.html
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