Get From There To Here Please

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To my surprise, I awoke.

Funny, I have a death sentence over my head, and I couldn't care less. I made a nice dinner of re-heated pizza, because I was not about to die before eating it. That would be a major faux pas in my book. Dying with a slice of pizza not in my belly was not going to happen. I sat my ass down in front of my computer. It was already nighttime, around 9:00pm and I wanted to go on IRC to be with my friends tonight. Fuck the emergency room.


I wanted a final night of training, just in case I lived to see tomorrow night and do my radio show, I wanted it to be done right. So I got online and met with my teachers, NiceNMean, and Sno_puppy and the rest of the gang and they showed me how to execute my show come tomorrow. I was excited to say the least. I gathered together my playlist and started to get ready. Prepping early and then prepping again. That's the kind of person I am. Damn near a perfectionist. I want everything to go smoothly, and if I do right, I'll fall back on my training just in case something goes wrong. 



It got late. My heart was still pumping blood. It was not erratic, slow, or desperate. It just continued to pump, so I ate half a bag of Doritos, plum packed with sodium and hopefully Potassium. Then I crawled back into bed and closed my eyes. I had a dream that there was a coroner over me. It was delicious. He was speaking to the police about my lifeless body that I had a Potassium overdose which caused heart failure. I rolled over and fell into a deeper sleep.



In the morning I awoke again.  Disgusted. The Doritos play didn't work. Shit. What else was high in Potassium. BEANS! And I had can's of beans in my cabinet. I took down a can of black beans and heated them up in the microwave and pounded them down. Then I spent the day working on building my playlists for the radio show that night. I was going from excitement to panic. I worked hard, trained harder, ready to run from track to track, not wanting any errors. Then, it was time to do two things: 1) crawl into bed to sleep, and 2) die.


To my dismay, I awoke again, and this time at 7:30pm. My show starts at 8:00pm. I got up, washed up, drank a lot of water and ate the rest of my beans. My heart was racing. Don't tell me that I'm about to keel over while doing my radio show! Shit. I tried twice to beat it to the punch, and now, I find myself alive, so now I have to go through with the radio show.



I go online, go on IRC. The channel is literally filled with my friends, waiting for my debut show. They are as excited as I am. The time comes and I link up to the channel and with some difficulty, get the show on the road. The biggest problem was that my microphone volume was too low, and whatever I did I could not get it to get any louder. So I went through the entire show with a low mic. But I got it done.


After- ward, it was 3:00am, so I crawled into bed again and went to sleep. My heart was still beating. That was both a good and a bad sign. The beans should have axed me by now, but look...nothing. So I was out like a light, only to wake up the next day. This was becoming an annoying occurrence. I then got up, took a shower, threw on some clothes and headed out to the Metropolitan Hospital Emergency. Once there, I signed in, and had my blood tested, and waited for three hours for the results to come back. It was like this: the normal ceiling for potassium in the body is 5.0. Mine was 5.2. High, but not dangerous. I am to follow up with another blood test from my doctor and have him check my levels to see if they are going down or up. Till then, drink plenty of water, avoid beans and bananas.


Does this shit sound familiar to you? I'm on Lasix's that leech potassium from my blood- stream. I was told by both my Doctor and my pharmacist to eat a lot of beans and bananas to keep my potassium up, and now I'm too high? What the fuck? Is this going to be an everyday thing now? Like diabetes? I'm going to have to have constant blood testing to check my potassium levels or die? I fucking hate growing old and being fat.


But I guess it's in the cards, isn't it? I'd better start exercising more. My body is breaking down fast because of the lack of it. I mean, I'm not afraid to die, in fact, for a bit, I welcome it. But the truth is, I don't want to die fat. I don't want to die FROM fat. That would not be me. I'm too vain to be a fat guy in a coffin.

I'm just a little too vain for that shit.

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