The Highly Classified Nonsense

I have been home and I’ve learned something while I was just sitting around gaining weight. Watching rap videos have taught me a vital lesson. I bet you never thought of that, that you can learn from a rap video. But remember what I was saying a long time ago about bitches? Bitches rule because those fuckers are so mean and ruthless that they make the world go round. They are built like Mack Trucks and can go as long and hard as route 95 through the fucking country.

I realize that I want a bitch.

Bitches are incredible. Big, outra- geously hard tits and asses and fuck power like a Challenger Space shuttle explosion. They are still the number one thing to have. First of all, bitches on rap videos run in packs. They’re always five or six of them doing something….mostly dancing on tables and shit. Then there must be a group rate on everything; Such as going to a party with an army of bitches. You ARE the party when you walk through the door.

Bitches can do an army of guys. They’re always in porn. One bitch versus fifteen guys, and they fuck to music. Women hate it when you turn on the stereo to Def Leopard or Poison. They hate it when while you’re full stroking their asses you’re singing the lyrics to “99 Problems and a Bitch Ain’t One.” Bitches, on the other hand, when you turn on the music, they jump on your car or coffee table and shake that booty.

Bitches are never in jogging wear, and sweats. They only travel in bikinis or short skirts that show their asses and low cut blouses that scream titties. They never wear sandals and are only barefooted or in high heel fuck me pumps. Bitches rule. Bitches are very expensive too. Only rap stars and moguls can afford them by the bus load. People in general can’t generate enough money to afford them. Hugh Hefner has a mansion full of them and you can only be rich to get inside of there and get some of what they’re serving.

Bitches take it in every hole. Your swinging, naked balls can be slapping against their chins, taints or asses. Bitches suck, fuck and shit sex. You do not want to stray from a bitch, because they are dangerous, in bed and out. You can’t go and fuck some young screw you meet at a bar, bitching that her boyfriend broke up with her over the fact that her tits are too small. But you CAN fuck your Bitch’s girlfriends…at the same fucking time; Two, three women in bed, simultaneously. Your poor little dick won’t survive a gang of these cum hungry bitches. You’ll just be shit out of luck. There is just one thing that you can do. Pray for your posse to come in and save your ass.

Love is out of the question. You can’t love a bitch. She’ll move with her crew. If another one hooks up with another rap star, they’ll move off, taking the love of your life with them. You’ll have to just keep her until she moves on. That’s why you have to move fast and watch all the porn that you can to pick up pointers on how to fuck her until you bang yourself silly in every sexual position and sexual menagerie known to man.

Bitches wash your car with their naked tits, and suck off all the guys in your wedding party. They put the hard fuck in screw. I want a bitch. They don’t care about children. They can’t have any. How do they do it…well they read the book Sperm Wars, and they realize that sperm from different men fight each other until one wins the egg. So they pile sperm in their birthing canals, turning it into the Death March of Battaan or the Battle at Iwo Jima, or Hamburger Hill or something like that. A big, flaming knockdown, drag out environment. If you’re sperm, you do not want to visit their vaginas.

Bitches. Someone give me a bitch. Tall, strong, young with muscles all over her fucking body and no body hair, not even crotch hair. I want them stupid and mean and can bend steel with her snatch and jump over tall penises with a single bound. She can keep your ears warm between her tits when the weather is cold.

Bitches are awesome.

All this is just something that I wanted to talk about…something that I noticed. I think of this shit while watching television and then I say to myself. Why not? Why not have a bitch lottery. Where for a dollar, you can scratch off and see if you won a free posse of bitches. That would be worth a dollar.