I Rub Your Ass Out

I jump out of bed.

I pour the last of the Cafe Bustello into my coffee maker and make a carafe of coffee. I put too much in. It comes out like mud. It tastes like sucking horseshit straight out of a horse's ass with a straw. I pour that shit out. I get my clothes on, turn on my laptop and went downstairs for breakfast. Today it was later than 8:00am, so I literally walk in, say hello to Jhon, stroll to the window, get my breakfast and came upstairs without incident. That was incredible.

While I ate breakfast, I get on IRC and say hello to my peeps. Today, I had a hard day ahead of me. I was to meet Khami downstairs at 11:00 and head to Port Authority to catch a bus into New Jersey. The plan was to head up to New Milford to see if my car is still parked where I left it. It has been there in the same spot for three years in a parking lot behind where I once lived. Two years ago, my brother came out to find it still there. About a year ago, I came out, brought by friends, to check on it and get information to sell it. Now it's been another year. Would it still be there unmolested?

That was on my mind as I finished breakfast and got the IM that Khami was downstairs, about an hour late. That would only mean a later return from the hellhole that I once called home. We took the Way to Port Authority, then got schedules for the number 11A bus and headed up to gate 220, where we waited for the 1:55. At 1:55 the bus did not arrive. I asked the dispatcher who told me that the next bus out was 2:15. That's not what the schedule said, I pointed out. He ignored me, walking off. I wish I had a customer service job like him. I would be throwing right crosses left and right if I could get away with the shit these guys get away with. Khami and I waited patiently for the 2:15. When it didn't arrive, this time the crowd of people waiting with us asked the dispatcher what was up. "The bus broke down. Next bus is at 2:55!" OH, so typical of COACH lines. The most fucked up bus line in America. At least in New York. In New York, they suck flaccid cock.

We goof around Port Authority until 2:55 and this time the dispatcher tells everyone that the 2:15 was rear ended in traffic and that's why it was late. At this point, I didn't give a fuck about what happened to their busses. I don't care if a huge bird swooped down, snatched it off the high way and dropped it into the fucking sea. I wanted this one to arrive on time so that I can get my fucking trip started. Presently, the bus pulls up and we board. I ride back to New Jersey, wide eyed at the changing landscape, the new buildings, the lots where old buildings stood. Not much changed, but those things that did changed dramatically. It filled me with trepidation and melancholy and I really didn't want to be on this bus, riding back through time, to a life that I much rather leave forgotten and buried.

We get off the bus in River Edge, one town over from New Milford. Now a little light history about New Milford. I was popped by the cops several times and had several run ins with the police. From women screaming in my apartment at late hours of the night, to drunk driving, to bail jumping. I was at a pretty strange time in my life then. I'm not bragging, no. When they revoked my license, when I didn't pay for hundreds of dollars in parking tickets and when I was faced with two months in county lockup, I gave the judge my sob story. I told him of my losing my wife, my job, my home, my life and I was going to leave to go live in the basement of the Port Authority bus station. The judge felt sorry for me, and ran me out of town with a police escort. I respectfully declined the escort, telling him that my brother and I had to clean out the rest of my belongings from my apartment, but thanked him. No...he thanked me and gave me until sun down to get out of the town and never to return, ever, under threat of spending the mandated two months in jail AND to face the unpaid fines. I got the message. I was no Persona Grata.

Now here I was returning, and walking on foot to do so. I was walking right down the side of the main street, heading directly for the police precinct of the town. Four years ago, when I was walking down the main street, I was snatched off the street by three police cars and handcuffed in public, driven away to jail before the surprise of my brother. Today Khami and I strolled down the length of main street and turned off it onto Faller Drive, the street that led to my old apartment. Flashbacks haunted me as we neared the lot where I had left my car, and upon entering it, I found it gone. A truck was in its spot. We walked down the length of cars, and upon walking past the truck, there it was, tucked away just behind it, exactly where I had left it. Son of a bitch! It was still there.

We attacked the car. I cleaned it up on the inside. Taking stuff three years old from the back seats. Tossing away some, putting others in the trunk of the car. I rifled through the stuff in the trunk that I had taken from my apartment and found only clothes. Nothing of any real value. And a briefcase. Upon opening it, I found invoices. Stacks of invoices, attorney papers concerning my charges with the New Milford police department, and tickets...stacks and stacks of violations. God damn! Nothing of any real value. I showed Khami the damage, old and new on the car and then we were done. We huffed the long walk back up to the bus stop in River Edge, and caught the bus in a relatively short wait. We then said goodbye at the Port and I headed up the Way straight home.

I could not wait to walk into my room, locking the door behind myself and saying goodnight to my day. I was still amazed that the car was still there. Amazed. The sun had bleached her out, a heavy mildewy smell was inside, but all in all, she was in decent shape. She was one step closer to being a dream, owned by someone else. My entire past life shortly to be completely erased.

I sit down at the edge of my bed, staring off into space. My entire previous life is all gone and forgotten. I almost can't believe it. It's all shadows and dreams now.

It's gone.

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