Anticipation is a good thing.
When you wait for something, no matter what it is, anticipating is a good feeling, almost like sex. That's right, I said it...almost like sex. Whatever you're anticipating, whatever you're waiting for, it causes a state of anticipation that builds. It's the same as sexual anticipation during the very act. It builds and builds until you reach a climax, an orgasm. It's magical, it's necessary for survival.
Of course, the orgasm in plain anticipation is when you have what you are waiting for. When you are hungry for something, I mean famished, and all you can do is think about it for weeks at a time, and you are told, no, you have to wait, that shit is exquisite torture. I know you know what I mean or else you're not a motherfucking human. But since then, I've come to realize the benefits of churning air.
YEAH, that's right, I said it. Churning Air has some benefits. As my brain began to understand the concept of killing time, or literally murdering and raping time, I found myself unwittingly building up another virtue: Patience. Churning Air requires patience. And I've also learned that the best way to get back at someone who is using churning air as punishment is to enjoy it. Although I can barely enjoy it. It has made me more patient, but it's boring, boring to tears. It'll break you after you've reached the end of your patience. I've learned what that means also so, I broke away from everything.
I took five days off, across the holiday weekend. I said FOUCKIT to all of my responsibilities and just crashed. I did what I wanted to for a change. As for WEDONTFUCKINGCARE, well I had Friday off because it was closed. Monday and Tuesday I filed false job search reports...yeah I falsified information, that's the only way that you can get a vacation from these characters. I don't know any other way to put it other than they believe that they CONTROL your life, and for an independent thinker, well, this is just something that cannot be allowed to happen. This is anathema. Similar to the effect that the government had on Hawkeye Pierce in M*A*S*H, I have to buck against this system. It just would not be me to not to. I can only follow rules but for so long, until I start to find loopholes, or just plain go against the establishment.
Which I did on Wednesday. I woke up and just didn't feel like going in. What will be my excuse for this? I was going around trying to get my MRI. I even have a doctor's note for that. Hee hee hee. Hey, Hobobob, you're pretty daring putting all that information on your blog! Not really. I just don't care, if I'm caught or not. Punishment and expulsion would be better than what I'm going through here and now. If I was very clear on the damage that I would experience. I guess they leave these vague lines to either catch you or scare you.
Now I'm just trying to wind down and ease back into the...ha ha ha...work week? At the end of the week I have a meeting with my case worker, MS ROBOT so that she can run me through my responsibilities, probably look at everything that I can be FTC'ed about, smack down any signs of independence or fight. That's what they want from you here, conformity. Now I see why the homeless return to the street. It's easier having time for yourself than to deal with these people dictating your time for you. The freedom of the streets is beckoning to me also, but there is no going back. There is no reverse on this car. It's forward, do or die, to Hell and gone. I'm going to make this WEWANTYOURFEARCARE work for me. I have to.
I had a restful weekend. It charged me, made me brand new. I did a lot of the poetry circuit on it, did a lot of reading, got involved, and it felt good. I'm going to do more, much more as the months roll on. I want to be a more integral part of the people that love me as much as I love them back. They are family and as OBSIDIAN is quick to let me know, I have a responsibility to family and friends also. This is family, realize that.
I think I have come to that conclusion. It's time to embrace and extend.
It's time to return to my real home and leave all of this WECARE shit behind.
I'm ready.
HobobobSource URL: http://idontwanttobeanythingotherthanme.blogspot.com/2009/07/talking-shit-and-getting-hit.html
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