If You Can't Hold On

Simply put, some things suck.

That's the truth. Some things just suck. You can't have a bowl of cherries all the time. Sometimes you'll just have to get to the pits. And once there, things suck. That's just the way it goes. Take me for instance. Getting up today really sucked. I was tired early last night, but I really didn't hit the hay until around midnight. I slept like a stone, even dreams could not reach me, but then I woke up at 4:00 this morning. 4:00 in the morning! It was so quiet and still that I thought a nuclear bomb went off and killed everything living save the cockroaches and the Skeksies. I did my exercises, got up and made coffee, scarfing that shit down like grease. That shit sucked too. Only three cups for me in the mornings, sometimes even two. The things I"ll do to lose weight. That's gotta suck.

I turned on my computer and took a shower. The water was hot and invigor- ating. I was up and awake now. There would be no more crawling back into bed and sleeping after this. That sucked big time too. There would be no rest for the weary. I got dressed and headed out. Tomorrow will be an even bigger day for me. It'll be One Boerum Place, the dead headed social workers and me. But first I'm going to check out this CID-NY that my shrink gave me. See what the fuck they can do for me before I waste my time going to Boerum.

A double barreled attack tomorrow. I'm going to take my time and work through the problem instead of the problem working me. That's the plan...but what did I say earlier?? Some things suck. Well, you can believe me that this will too. It will suck to high heaven. There will be no good news. There will be no winning this battle. It will just slide on until it's logical conclusion. All will come to rest and that will be the end of that. That's the way that the System has it. That's the way it's supposed to work. You'll see tomorrow. There will be so many useless motherfuckers to deal with and all they'll blame is THE SYSTEM. "I don't have the answers to that, you see THE SYSTEM...." or "We can't change that from here because THE SYSTEM...." or "You'll have to be sanctioned and your case terminated because THE SYSTEM...." This is what you will face. Useless motherfuckers.

I wonder if that's part of their job descrip- tions when they get hired. "Looking for a few good people who know nothing, can do nothing, will do nothing and are good for nothing. -- three positions open for Useless Motherfuckers." Not that I'm angry, I'm actually resigned to the fact. I know what I'm up against. I know the fuckers that I have to deal with in the morning. I have to make headway despite them.

I head downtown to J&R Computer World and buy an Alto for my laptop. As you can tell, I still lavish toys on my little baby. With the little money I have I love to buy things to make her last. The Alto will spare her keyboard since I pound away on it constantly. If all of this effort was taken out on the keyboard alone, it would have given up on me a long time ago. And the Alto can be folded up into a little portable job so that I can stash it in my bag whenever I have to leave for the streets.

That's how I lost my first Alto. I had bought it and it would not fit in my bags at the time so I strapped it to the outside of my paperwork bag (you know, the bag that I kept all of my paperwork in). Now the Alto looks like a fucking laptop to the goddamned stupid. Such as a fucking Skeksis. And I had went to Bryant Park on a nice and sunny day to cop a few winks. Now you know where THIS story is going don't you?? I put my paperwork bag, with my Alto strapped on the back of it just a little too far out of reach, sat in the sun and passed out. When I awoke my paperwork bag was gone, as was my Alto. These dumb fucks no doubt ran down the block, pushing each other into the bushes thinking that they had nabbed a laptop, and came away with nothing but a keyboard for their troubles. Tough shit jackasses.

I still, to this day, wished that I had woke up and caught them reaching over to nab the fucking thing...but then again, when I wake I'm a bit of a groggy motherfucker. It must be the drugs. One Skek almost got away with my laptop before, and I woke up just before he could run off with it, and the best I could do was put it away before my brain could even key over to whip his ass. But then again...I had that ACD hovering over my head. One more infraction with the law and I was set for jail for six months on a menacing and harassing charge. I had to keep my nose clean then.

Fucking cock- roaches. Those Skeks are a menace to society. You have to keep both eyes out on your shit because of them, and when you live in the streets this is a constant feature of your life. I thank god that I have a door that I can lock for the time being. Like I said, it's been a good run. Not all things suck.

Skeksis' suck.

My Alto is a gift from god. This one I plan to keep.

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