Copped a Piece

I've got Gout???

You've got to be kidding me Doc. Isn't that an old man's ailment?
Doc A. shakes his head. "No it's a young person's aliment too. It's the body's way of breaking down DNA" My body is breaking down DNA? "The body always breaks down DNA into a byproduct call Uric acid. This acid sometimes settles in the joints, which causes inflammation and pain. This has settled in your big toe." He plays with my foot in his hands. I shake my head in disbelief. What do I do now Doc? "Well, your job is to 1) Stop the Pain and, 2) Prevent re-occurrence." He prescribes for me two more pills: COLCHICINE and ALLOPURINOL. The first for the pain and until I get loose stools. The Doc warns me not to play with loose stool. I need to be around a bathroom when I take this one. And the second one I'll be taking for the rest of my life.

Or until I lose some of this tonnage that my body is carrying.

I'm risking diabetes with all of this fat. It's not good for my hypertension. I'm dying quicker than I need to with the extra pounds. I wish someone would have told me all this BEFORE I got fat!! Well, doc, isn't the Wellbutrin the cause of my weight gain? "No". Simple as that. No? "No". Then the Doc does some fancy chiropractical shit to my neck and shoulders, and I'll be damned if the pinched nerve in my neck stops all of the silly pain. I can move more freely. The pain isn't all gone, but I can move a little better. Did I get this from sleeping wrong? "No, you probably have problems with your feet, with your walking. We'll address that later." Like a computer tech, he moves from issue to issue, resolving them one at a time. I am in awe of the man.

He soon sends me on my merry, and I head to the nearest Duane Reade to get the prescription to the COLCHICINE filled. I'll give the ALLOPURINOL to the people at the Box to fill, since they can give it to me twice a day, whereas the CHOLCHINE I have to take every hour. Until loose stool. That still cracks me up. Loose stool.

Earlier today I sat in Starbucks, writing emails, and wondering if I should go to the Doctor at all. I was in unusual pain, and was equally prepared to go to bed back at the Box and stay very still. While I sat in the chair writing away I crossed over the topic of Celibacy. Celibacy, like the priests and ascetics of old who didn't like to fuck. OR saw fucking as sin. I scratch my head at this. Could these motherfuckers just been so old and scraggly that they couldn't get anyone to fuck them? Why turn off the sex tap willingly.

I know I didn't. When I became homeless, sex jumped out the window. I mean, to what alleyway am I going to take some woman to put the old pole to?? And nothing is more of a turnoff than a female skek. Nothing. You'd rather fuck your hand with sandpaper. And what woman would be crazy about some homeless guy with nothing to give anyway??? When did that become vogue?

On top of not having an avenue to ejaculate on...or in, I've lost the desire. Just like loosing a set of car keys. My head meds attack the old libido. That's right, if I met Ms. Right, or even Ms. Right Now, I couldn't or wouldn't feel like doing much other than play cards. It would be like playing pool with a rope.

And because of the head meds, jacking off has even lost it's eerie appeal. Yeah, you knew that I would go there didn't you. But it's true. As much fun as even that was is all gone now.

I think that I should be pretty bitter about all this, because I'm still a young man. I would like the simple pleasure of having a naked woman within reach, and even if that did happen, have an erection in even closer reach to deal with her. There's nothing like an erection and a naked woman in each hand! Yay!

But no.

And to top it off, I'm so fucking out of shape that I'd hate to see myself naked. I close my eyes when I walk naked past a mirror. Now talk about self loathing!! But all this can be rectified. All this can be taken care of with minor adjustments. Start small. This is not my manifesto of failure. I'm not giving up on myself. Shit, how many old men fuck?? A lot!! And I could join their ranks once I: 1) lose the weight, 2) drop the fucking head meds, and 3) find Ms. Right. All in that fucking order.

Ahhh, the question is: Can I drop the head meds? Is such a thing even possible for me? I don't know, but I know that I can at least change them. And I know people in programs who have dropped their meds. Stopped taking them, gradually but stopped. You can't go cold turkey with them or you'll start seeing fucking blonde women come out of nowhere, and go back just the fucking same. Trust me, as fine as some blondes can be, you don't want to see one of these.

That's my sex cycle right now folks. And don't for the life of you believe that there will be some sort of full confession here that I copped a piece. I'll not blog that, unless I get permission. ha ha ha.

Copped a piece. Now that not only sounds funny, that is funny.

I'll get back to living now.

Copped a piece. Ha

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