Nowhere Women

...she WAS there.

Yeah, I'll torture the fuck out of myself for a few days. Damn, don't catch that attitude, you would too if you saw a flying saucer, the Abominable Snowman, Bigfoot, or Angelina Jolie naked in your bed.

That's the breaks. So I'll just continue to try to wrap my brain around the issue. You just say a prayer for my emotional well being. I'll sort through whether she left the building or not. Well, that's what I was thinking when I awoke. I awoke a succession of times this morning, each time going to the bathroom and taking a leak. At the fourth or fifth time that I awoke I got up and took a shower. It was refreshing to be under the water again. I think I'm punishing myself for having the convenience of a shower.

I remember there was a time where I couldn't have a shower but once a week. And it was under less than ideal conditions. Now the conditions are a little better, but I still can't shake the timing. I blame not taking one regularly on a number of things. But when I want to, all things are overcome. So the true reason has to be something else. And I think it could be my old regularity. Something for me to think about.

I get dressed in the gloom of the dorm. The lights are not turned up on holidays, this being Columbus Day. Neither is there a Morning Meeting. Life is good.. I leave to head to the Madison Avenue Starbucks. I feel the tiredness in my bones, and I question myself again. Why in the fuck do I get up so early if in less than four hours I can't stay awake? What the fuck is wrong here?

I take the Way early and it is packed with people. Mass transit never rests. I wonder. What is it that people are going to be planning t do today. Go shopping? Because there are a lot of Columbus day sales going on now. Possibly that's what many will be doing. While others, I wonder, will be staying home and taking it easy. I hit the Starbucks hoping to find it empty, and it was for the most part, only beginning to fill up later in the morning.

I'm lying in wait here, waiting to go into work. Well, actually I don't know if I have work today. I'm here just in case. At around Nine I'll bum my ass over there and check it out, because it will color my day. The libraries are all closed. There will be nothing much to do.

I think when I go to the job, I'll shit in the office commode. It's better than Starbucks toilet. There's someone always banging on the door within five minutes. It's incredibly hard to pinch a loaf that fast. I know people who can. I'm not one of them. It takes me awhile. Oh yes, I'm back to my usual toilet humor. It's either that or the girl again. Which one is it going to be? You tell me?

I find out that I have to work today, which is good, because I get to use the bathroom and then get busy. I work pretty hard, there are a few computer problems that are thorny, but I get through them. And then I'm done. I head out and with my portable camera, taking pictures of the passing buses for my next article. Next I'll take a few of the subway cars. I checked out the website on the job and found my article there. Not quite front page. Well not quite next page. More like back in the corner of the website. But AT LEAST IT'S THERE! And I appear on the STAFF page. Now I am part of an editorial staff. Whoopee!

It feels good to be published. Next is to keep up with the regularity of being published. I can't fall slack on this deadline. That's why I have enough articles in the hopper to last up to November. All I have to do is polish them up a bit and add photos.

That's the real trick then isn't it?

Get ahead and stay ahead. That's my current motto. I get to the Madison Starbucks, finish some emails and some IMs before heading out to the Box. It's a smooth relocation for me. Like going from here to there. I end up in the Box much like passing though a door. I am instantly and easily sitting at the side of my bed, typing on my laptop. Robert is in bed ahead of me, trying to sleep, Jor-el is watching me. No sooner do I come in and say hello do they get up and leave. It's not be be taken personally though. That's how they are. Life here is just that boring to them. They get up and lay down at strange intervals.

Little John comes up to me, chuckling. "This nut keeps calling me," he says with a wide grin. With one hand he points behind him at Igor's old bed. "Igor. He keeps calling my house, asking for me to go out to dinner with him." He does? "Yeah, he's lonely. He's in that apartment all by himself day in and day out and after living with a bunch of men for so long, it's just plain lonely for him." Yeah, he's missing everyone. "Yeah, he his," Little John nods. "That's why he keeps calling." Are you going out with him? "Yeah, I told him that I was going to go out to dinner, but not this week. But he keeps calling my house." A good reason not to have a phone. I make a mental note. Retards abuse phones because they are the easiest mode of communication. Too bad you can't have an invisible mode on telephones like you can have on IM. Hmmm, that reminds me, I set Igor's profile on my IM to "appear permanently offlline." Mean spirited? Hardly. If you knew Igor like I know Igor you would call it a prudent gesture.

Angel comes by, leans in across my bed to look over my shoulder at the music video playing on YouTube on my computer screen. He is entranced with the small video even though he can't hear the music inside my headsets. He stays in this position, staring at the screen, commenting on the small images moving about. I grow tired of this, but I don't bother him. I let him get his fill of it, like a child staring into a fishbowl with great surprise and awe for the first two minutes, then he finds something else to catch his attention. Angel is soon gone.

I close down early tonight. I find myself tired, and as I had said earlier, I'm interested in getting enough sleep in the coming few days. I turn off my baby just wen Paul the Stooge crawls into bed. He watches me for a moment before turning over and going to sleep.

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