Dick Caught In The Wringer

I blew therapy off today so hard that I didn't even care.

Sometimes I feel a stark sense of regret when I blow off one of my sessions, some serious remorse that I'm doing something bad, but today, I couldn't give a shit. This made for three. All three, blown off this week. Not good, but necessary. I need a break from people being in my head sometimes. I feel like I should have a revolving door on my forehead and have psychs walk in and out of there and set up tables and chairs and treat my skull like a lunchroom. Sometimes you just get tired, you know. It's not easy opening up every week and have someone listen so as to examine you.

I also blew off doing my laundry for another week. Now retreads will be the norm for next week. There is nothing more grueling than doing laundry in the coin op around the corner. I am indeed fucking lazy to have a laundromat so close to my home and not use it. The only thing that I use regularly is the fucking microwave.

I stayed online until there was an altercation in the hallway. I took off my headsets to hear Paula threatening one of her girlfriends in the hall, claiming that: 'I will slap the shit out of you bitch!' Amusing. Another, voice cooed in the background for her to calm down, while a third called her a crazy ass. I didn't hear anything ignite into a catfight, so I assumed the calming voice diffused the situation. If a catfight did break out I would open my door and stick my head out.

Funny, ever since junior highschool, us boys loved watching a catfight, something I carry with me to this day. We would come running, shouting to others: "Catfight, catfight!!" Rushing to the fight, not to break it up, but to get the best position to watch it. Two women fighting just draws men like flies to shit. Why is that?? I sometimes wonder, and now I shake my head. It wasn't anything sexual, or so I believe, because Paula and her mugwomp friends look like Creatures from the Black Lagoon. Not that I'm bragging about looks, but I'd rather fuck my own ass than have a wet dream about any one of them. But to watch them fight, I'll buy a ticket and popcorn.

Besides hopefully this would put an end to their congre- gating in the hall. If they hate each other then they'll stop talking to each other across their doors. This could be good news at last. I put my headsets back on and get busy. I work on my new blog manuscript that at present has no name. I'm thinking: DICK CAUGHT IN THE WRINGER, or EVERYBODY'S BOOGIE MAN. But right now I just have 'untitled' on the manuscript.

'Dick caught in the wringer' is obvious, but why, 'Everybody's Boogie Man'? Well I had this discussion with a friend of mine about how my life is more like a cautionary tale. And that to end up like me is the worst possible outcome for anyone to experience. I've become associated with what everyone is terrified over when they lose their job. I've become everyone's Boogie Man. I guess if I have to explain it, it's not that hot a title then. Right?

I got tired and crawled into bed and took a nap, suffering from eyestrain and a growing tension headache, although the cutting, pruning and pasting of the manuscript was pretty easy. I loaded up damn near one hundred pages, and covered two months worth of blogging in one sitting. I decided that that was enough. Tomorrow, I have my Doctor's appointment, and I'll most likely spend the entire day in the library, like I used to. I am moving further and further away from my homeless roots, my past routines.

I no longer eat with the Skeksies, shower at the Bowery Mission, eat dinner from food vans, get clothes from churches. I'm moving towards a productive member of society slowly but surely. If I can get a paying writing gig, that would just make the process go that much faster.

That's what's bothering me about today. Yesterday I sent out two emails to prospective gigs and today, nothing. Not a damn reply. Jobs are so scarce out there that even the NON PAYING GIGS are drying up. Well, at least the stimulus package passed the HOUSE today although the Republicans were all against it. You know, I wonder if these representatives and senators were faced with layoffs, would they hurry up and run SOMETHING, ANYTHING though? This is supposed to be a government for the people, BY the people, but I can't help but to think how far these career politicians have strayed from 'the people' and have now moved over to power drunk. Like Blogojevich, who was no doubt sitting on a cushy job, selling and buying influence and not giving a fuck about how the government was run, and if he was putting authority in capable hands. That's the problem with politicians. They no longer govern, but rule.

Well, that's me on my soapbox now. It's time to step down and get ready for bed. I have a big day tomorrow. I get to hear how my blood pressure is and my progress. Already I'm leaning to blowing off my doctor's appointment. I just hope I get up in enough time. Right now it's a toss up between playing 2142 or working on the blog manuscript again, and I'm leaning more in the direction of the blog manuscript.

Can you believe that? Just yesterday it was too big a task to deal with, and today, I have something to putter around with.

Life is funny isn't it?

Aloha
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